I'm here to Pump YOU up.

WAKE UP!!!!!!

 There, did I get your attention? How many of us are feeling the post holiday January blues? I know, I, for one have had a mean case of the blahs the past couple weeks. I started to feel blah about how I look and my exercise routine, though consistent, is not as challenging as I would like it to be and sugar has been creeping back into my diet; This friends, is a rut. Over the years I have learned to identify said ruts before they take over my life. In the past I would give power to my emotions, and in turn, my mind and body would follow suit. There are two kinds of depression; the “can’t get out of bed because of sobbing and lost interest in showering, kind” and the “Everyday dull routine something’s missing, kind” I, personally believe the ladder of the two is worse. At least when you cry you feel, but when you experience that blah lackluster daily attitude, it’s much more harmful to your mind and body in the long run. We all experience this feeling from time to time, and I think it’s perfectly normal, but it’s important to acknowledge it immediately and nip it in the bud before it becomes a permanent part of our identity. Positive thinking is important, yes, but reality is also just as important and it’s essential to have both in perspective at all times. I do believe if you set your focus on something enough you will attain it but this is a daily practice not a Santa clause one time wish.

I woke up today and told myself “I'm going to enjoy this day.” “I'm going to find my niche in life.” “I will make a change.”

Rewind about two years ago, I was living in New Jersey and I was bartending a few days a week, I was talking to a guy that wasn’t for me and It was a very mundane, unfulfilling way to live. I was barley working and I spent most of my days watching TV and then I would go to the gym;That was it! I started to fall into the everyday depression which led to wearing sweats all the time. My body started getting slightly “looser” and I just felt gross. I let this go on for over a year until I finally WOKE UP. I got a steady job; I changed my whole diet and started revamping my look. Since that day I lost 35lbs and kept it off. I’m still striving to tone up a little more but at least I know I am on the right track.

Side tracked….

What was I talking about again?

Oh yea BLAH’s!

So the past couple weeks I have been really discontent with where I am at, career wise. Yes, I am grateful I have two jobs. Yes, I am grateful I live in a great apartment and have a wonderful daughter and great friends and family. I thank god for my life all the time but just because I am grateful doesn’t mean I’m necessarily fulfilled. I think we should always strive for better. If you have a goal, achieve it. Don’t just be “ok”, be GREAT! Do what is in your heart. Remember the Child's desire within you and don’t let that go just because you have “enough”. Now, this being said, I cannot be impulsive now that I am a parent. I have to plan, plot and execute with precision and intelligence. I have to define what it is I want, and attack it with a slow, diligent force. But FIRST, I must define my exact wants. If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of ideas, dreams, visions, and plans but have a hard time coming up with one single concise plan of action. My mind is like a chaotic dream, time makes no sense and there are no real plans but I know it’s beautiful and I can feel that it’s what I want, I just can’t seem to define it.

I’m always so scared to make the wrong choice. I become frozen in fear, which is why I believe my life hasn’t come to full fruition yet. However, I am making the choice, now, to follow one of my ideas. Here goes… For a few years now I have been very interested in becoming a personal trainer. I, by no means consider myself to be a “hard body” but I do consider myself a success story when it comes to weight loss. I do understand what it feels like to be overweight and to overcome a four year long plateau. I understand the frustrations with body and self image. I know that being healthy isn’t just exercise and eating salads; it’s a mind, body, spirit connection. I have a strong desire to motivate people. I love challenge and I am a stubborn strong willed woman. So I am making the decision to go to a personal training school. Of course singing is my number one passion but I think I have room for a couple passions in my life. I believe that my journey could really help and inspire others to change their life for the better. So, I ask for your support, my fellow fat babies’. It’s extremely hard for me to make a decision, but in my heart, I know this is a good one.

Stay tuned... You will be on this journey with me!

I encourage you to follow your passion, today. Make that decision,WAKE UP from your dream and make it a reality!

Challenge for the week- Define your passion.

XOXO

Sarah

Green be gone

 Hello My Pretties and Handsomes.

I hope you are living well, making good choices, not settling and exercising! Today's topic is a particularly hard one to write about, but like I always say, honesty is pure and real and just maybe my struggles will help someone else. Let’s start with the color green. One website suggests that, Green is life. Abundant in nature, green signifies growth, renewal, health, and environment. On the flip side, green is jealousy or envy (green-eyed monster) and inexperience. Brace yourself; this is going to get uncomfortable. I struggled for a few days on how and if I should write about this subject. I have little problem talking about food ,heartbreak and insecurity. Jealousy, however, is a tricky one. No one wants to admit they want what others have. It's one thing to envy famous people and models and pine after beauty, success and fame, its quite another to look at those close to your life and wish for the life they lead. This isn’t a feel sorry for me because my life is so crappy rant, I know I am blessed. I am just choosing to talk about and admit the things most of us don’t want to admit. We battle against ourselves everyday. I have always had a problem with jealousy, not malicious sabotage jealousy but quite feelings of “I wish I had what they had.” or “When is it my turn?” or ‘Why couldn’t it of been me?” Wow... admitting this out lout is embarrassing, but I hope by purging this, I somehow cleanse myself of these toxic emotions and be renewed in my thinking. Ever since I was a little girl, I believed I was going to be famous. It wasn’t a question, it was going to happen. It was going to happen in the midst of Waitressing, bartending, receptining(not a work i know), baristing, retailing, you name it,I did it. Everyday of my life I keep thinking, “Just wait for the plan, its coming, just wait for the plan.” But… What if THIS is the plan. *Shutters*

So here is my dirty little secret... READY? I’m jealous a lot. I’m jealous of the women with the husbands that adore them and families that eat at the dinner table. I’m jealous of people who can travel and buy clothes not on sale. I’m jealous of people with a career they love. I’m jealous of people who seem to be void of insecurities but most of all I am jealous of entertainers who are successful. My dream has always been to be a successful singer/actress. Let me preface this by saying I DO NO wish ill will on anyone. As much as I may want it, it wouldn’t make me feel better to see people hurt. I would never do anything to sabotage or get in the way of someone’s plan. Life has a flow and sometimes our impatience can get the best of us, which causes us to question. Feelings of inadequacy and doubt flood our mind and all we can see is what we don’t have. I do believe with all my heart that life is truly what you make of it. What if my plan is to work a bunch of day jobs, raise my daughter, sing my songs, be kind to others and just enjoy living. Cynical Sarah finds that very depressing because I've always thought I was meant for something larger than life. I’ve always seen myself making some kind of imprint on the world, but... what if this is it? Would I be ok with that? What if I don’t “make it”? The place of joy is the place of peace. So I know in my heart that my plan is on track weather I see it or not.  I constantly compare myself to others and some days I really indulge in those “woe is me” feelings. Depression is very real. It will consume you and make you feel like everyone is better. If you allow yourself to believe those dark thoughts then you will make them happen. You will be worse than everyone else because that’s what you have created in your mind. Let’s face it we all have crap to deal with. If my plan is just this, this very moment, right now, then I have to learn to be ok with that. If we cannot appreciate where we are now and are grateful then how are we to be trusted with more? So I will fight this fight will all of you who read this and similar struggles. It’s ok to feel jealous, we are human. We have dreams and hopes, and of course we want what we want. I will fight against this green eyed monster, because it has no part of my plan, other than to teach me humility. I want to say sorry to all those (even if they don’t read or know this is about them) for ever feeling jealous of what you have. Some of these people are very close to me and others we strangers but either way I chose to let this monster out of the bag and fight him with my bare fists. Although he may come back to temp me, I will fight him dally if I have to. Good breeds good. Bad breeds bad. Simple. Whether my plan is this or there is something grand ahead, ill be ok regardless, because daily I will fight the monsters until one day they are a distant memory.

I encourage you to do the same.

Challenge for the week: Log everything you eat and how it makes you feel after

Oh and be kind

XOXO

Sarah

It's not me it's you

Hello my loves.

Welcome to a new week. Monday, dreaded Monday. Except one thing is different about this day: My attitude! This rant is a mix of idealist teenage Sarah, mixed with more experienced, less fairytale minded, yet still hopeful thirty year old Sarah. Yesterday I was on the treadmill at the gym and I happened to catch the end of sex and the city, the series finally, which I have seen before but not for a while. Its so weird how things like a TV show can speak to you when you most need it. I’ve been struggling with letting go lately. Although most of my recent posts are of a positive inspirational nature, my heart has not responded in the same fashion. Its really hard for me to let go of love, because I totally pour my heart into someone, so when its over, I feel an unbearable pain that almost feels like a death, so instead of feeling that pain until its gone, I try to make it work with the person to avoid the funeral feeling. I tend to draw things out and have ten million dramatic goodbyes full of tears followed by kind words, followed by questions I don’t want to know the answers to, followed by hurt feelings. Hey, Sarah lets hurt your heart over and over again just to make sure it real.” (that’s inner me being sarcastic)

Ok, back to sex and the city. So in case you’ve never seen this show, ill briefly explain this episode. Carrie (sjp) is in Paris with her Russian, successful, rich, artist boyfriend (who I personally thought was an old ugly weirdo). She’s pretty much living any girls dream. The problem with this scenario; he’s married to his work and everything that comes along with that life. She finally has an epiphany that what he has to offer is everything but his heart and that realization is enough for her to walk away. I know it’s kind of cheesy referencing a cliché show like this, but let me tell you it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. You know when people say “its not you it’s me.” Sometimes it’s really NOT you it’s THEM. Sometimes the person you’re with can genuinely care for you but just not be capable or available to give you what you need. When we remove emotions from a situation it’s always easier to see clearly. So at the gym at around 2pm, jogging on the treadmill, watching sex and the city, it happened; I got it, I accepted it and I was ok with it. What is it? IT, is accepting that I am officially single. IT, is accepting that it not all my fault and I am not unlovable. IT, is accepting that love will find me and I will not have to convince someone to love me. It is acknowledging that I want love and I am willing to wait for the full 100% real deal. IT, is accepting that things just didn’t work despite my best efforts. Finally “IT” is time to move on. You know when your heart hurts so badly and you feel like you’ll never be ok and you can’t imagine your world with ought the other person in it and you to yearn for the day you will wake up and finally feel ok! Well it happens, it really truly does happen and when it does it’s a magical feeling, like waking up from a long sleep and falling in love with life again. So this Monday is not mundane or depressing like usual, this Monday is my official new start of being single and you know what I am really ok with that. So all my previous posts that I wrote half heartedly believing what I said, yea, I believe it now. So what does this have to do with your life? Everything. Learning how to let go of things we cannot change. Saying goodbye to someone we love even if it kills us, because we know we have to protect our own heart first. Accepting things for what they are and not what they could be. Taking as much time as you need to finally “get it” whatever it may be. In order to move past any circumstance, it is important to let go of the anger and the hurt. Resolve the issues you have within yourself before you try and figure out the other person. So today, I have hope for the unknown, for the love that will find me one day, and I am actually looking forward to the single life again. I’m not too bad once I get to know me.

Have a fabulous week!

Challenge for the week- Eat one less snack, and burn 100 more calories. Easy but effective

XOXO

Sarah

“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.”

Carrie Bradshaw

Fairwell Mr.Settle Settlerson

To settle or not to settle: That is the question.

Settling is something we all say we never do, but so often find ourselves in those compromising situations; sacrificing our own happiness for a temporary fix. Lowering our expectations even when we feel in our bones it’s wrong.  This kind of “settle” thinking doesn’t just pertain to a relationship, it can be a job, school, or in my opinion and most importantly our health. Without a healthy body and mind how can we expect to attract healthy circumstances? Life is about small choices everyday. If we wake up in the morning and decide to do the best for that specific day, then the outcome in the long run will be much more fulfilling. This is a new year and what better time to start fresh, right? I know new years resolutions are lame but hey I am a firm believer that it’s ok to start over a million times because each time you are closer to getting it right. It’s never ok to “settle” however, it’s always ok to start again if you do.

 Here are some of my examples of settling.

1. Knowing that you need to exercise but making excuses and then complaining about your body. (You are settling for what is instead of what could be)
2. Staying stuck in a job you hate but not looking for anything else and complaining about how much you hate your job (Either learn to be happy with where you’re at or work your butt off to find another option but do not settle for mediocrity)
3. Staying in a relationship that you are clearly unhappy in and making excuses for why it doesn’t work or worse, blaming yourself even when in your heart you know its not you. (Comfort can be a danger zone. Many people stay in a relationship for too long simply because of the “routine” Don’t be scared to be alone, it’s much better than being unhappy with someone else.)
4. Having a craft, skill or talent and not working on making it better everyday but then whining about your unfulfilled dreams. (Your day job does NOT have to define you. Change your mindset. What you do to pay the bills allows you to pursue your dreams, so that maybe one day your dreams will pay your bills.)

That being said, I am guilty of setting in all of the above categories. I am the one that has complained about being a “musician” and having all these stupid jobs I hate. I’m the one who stayed in relationships with guys I “hoped” would change while sacrificing my own needs. I WAS the one who complained about not loosing weight but not doing a damn thing to change it(Luckily I got that one right now, One down, 3 to go)

I got to say it’s a nice feeling to not have the “loose weight resolution” I have control over one thing and its m body. Such a freeing feeling after years of struggling. So just know, anyone reading this that is struggling with weight, you can over come this one! It took me years to get it right, but when you do finally get it right, your life is forever changed!

Now as far as the other type of settling I’m still working on that one. You know those moments where you feel in your gut that you are making a mistake but you do it anyway? Maybe it makes you feel better, and lord knows we are instant gratification beasts. We love to live in the moment and suffer the long last consequences later. In those moments, my goal is to make the choice I know is right even if it’s harder or makes me feel sad temporarily. In those moments where my gut is screaming “Sarah this is a bad idea” I will choose to listen to my gut and put myself first. This is a little way for me to stop settling for less than what I deserve. Life is defined by these spilt second decisions, make the right ones! I hope this wasn’t too all over the place. My mind tends to be a little chaotic when I have these epiphanies, but I hope you take something away from all my rants and I hope that in those potential “settle” moment you choose what’s right not what’s easy.

Stay Strong Grasshoppers

Oh and if you can’t get to a gym, home workouts work just as well!

XOXO

Sarah

“The past has no power over the present moment.”
― Eckhart Tolle